My Blog

Remember, once you get over the hill, you’ll begin to pick up speed.

I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.

If it weren’t for STRESS, I’d have no energy at all.

Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some, like me, just don’t have any film.

I always know God won’t give me more than I can handle, but there are times I wish He didn’t trust me quite so much.

Never be too open minded, your brains could fall out.

Just going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

Some days are a total waste of makeup.

Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

This guy needs a job and decides to apply at the zoo. As it happened, their star attraction, a gorilla, had passed away the night before and they had carefully preserved his hide.

They tell this guy that they’ll pay him well if he would dress up in the gorillas skin and pretend to be the gorilla so people will keep coming to the zoo.

Well, the guy has his doubts, but hHe needs the money, so he puts on the skin and goes out into the cage.

The people all cheer to see him. He plays up to the audience and they just eat it up. This isn’t so bad, he thinks, and he starts really putting on a show, jumping around, beating his chest and roaring, swinging around.

During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion cage! As he lies there stunned, the lion roars.

He’s terrified and starts screaming, "Help, Help, Help!"

The lion races over to him, places his paws on his chest and hisses, "Shut up or we’ll BOTH lose our jobs!"